|(This is what it looks like while I am "preparing" i.e. studying, reading, writing etc.)|
Time with the Lord so be ready if I am ever called to ministry
Time with my husband in case he is ever called to deploy
More and more studying to prepare for whatever job/career I could have in the future
Learning new recipes so when life gets crazy I'll have a few tricks up my sleeve
But today, I just don't see the reason for all this preparation. Will I really spend my whole life waiting for that impending event that I have been "preparing" for? If and when that actually comes, will all this time spent thinking and preparing for it really matter?
Ultimately, I know that I need to forget about whatever that next thing I am waiting for that will happen in this lifetime and focus on preparing my heart and mind for eternity in heaven. How I spend my money, my time, my gifts, my energy needs to not be focused on fulfilling some earthly goal but in pleasing the Lord.
During a wonderfully long graduation ceremony last weekend I couldn't help but sit back and think about all that had happened to me during my time at Mary Washington. All the things that I learned, the people I met, and how much I grew in my faith. My focus while at school was so much about finishing. So many days it felt like the list of assignments was endless, leading so that day when I would receive a diploma and mean something to the world. But there I sat, in a completely different place than I imagined. I didn't have a job offer in the city waiting for me. I wasn't hungover from the graduation festivities. I didn't have multiple professors hugging me as I walked through the line.
But, what I did have was a husband who woke up before the sun to get the best seats in the house.
Sweet friends who have shown nothing but support and love as my life went it a different direction than theirs.
The preparation, and studying that seemed to endless and meaningless at the time has a purpose and the purpose is never ending. Preparing academically, spiritually, and emotionally is not about building up to one final moment of achievement but in growing a little more each day to become more like Jesus.
So God, even though I am tired and weary of waiting for the "a ha" moment, show me that the moment is right now and today you are stretching me in your own timing to be more like you.